Opening scene shows outer space. Picture
slowly zooms in on Earth. As this happens, a narrator (Grampa) speaks.
| Grampa:
| This is the story of a book. "Bart's Guide to the
Galaxy." It's a very popular book for several reasons, but the only one I
can remember is that it says DON'T HAVE A COW on the cover, in big,
friendly letters. |
When the shot shows the Earth, it zooms in on the planet, and
toward the U.S. When it gets close enough, clouds pass in front, so the state
will not be revealed; it is zooming in on Springfield when the clouds are
past.
Scene 2
| Grampa:
| The story starts with a lazy, failure of a man named
Homer Simpson. He has a hangover as usual, and his house is about to be
torn down by a bunch of bulldozers... And I say GOOD FOR THE BULLDOZERS.
|
Homer is in the mud in front of a bulldozer.
Smithers stands nearby.
| Smithers:
| Oh, come off it, Mr. Simpson. You can't lie there all
day.
|
| Homer:
| Can so!
|
| Smithers:
| This new access road to the nuclear power plant has
to be built, and it will be built.
|
| Homer:
| Not if I can help it!
|
| Smithers:
| You had plenty of time to file a complaint with the
plant.
|
| Homer:
| No I didn't! I didn't even hear about this 'til last
night!
|
| Smithers:
| The plans were on display at the plant for a year.
|
| Homer:
| Display!? I went to see them after I found out about
it, and they were in the basement!
|
| Smithers:
| That's the display department.
|
| Homer:
| I had to take a flashlight! And when I found the
plans, they were in an old bathroom, with a sign on the door that said
BEWARE OF LEOPARD!...... Heheheh, "beware of leopard."
|
| Smithers:
| Look, Mr. Simpson, do you know how much damage this
bulldozer would take if it ran over you?
|
| Homer:
| (Hopefull) Ummm..... lots?
|
| Smithers:
| None at all.
|
| Homer:
| D'OH!!
|
| Grampa:
| "None at all" happens to be exactly how much Homer
suspected that his good friend whatsisname... Clive?... Colin?...
Carl!...Carl was really from a planet somewhere near Betelgeuse, and not
from Springfield, as he claimed. |
Carl arrives
| Carl:
| Hey, Homer.
|
| Homer:
| Hi, Carl.
|
| Carl:
| Wanna come with me to Moe's for a beer?
|
| Homer:
| I wish I could, but I have to lie in front of this
bull-thingy or it'll run over my house. And I can't let THAT happen... the
TV's in there!.. Oh, and my family might be hanging around someplace.
|
| Carl:
| Lemme see what I can do... (Turns to Smithers) Mr.
Smithers?
|
| Smithers:
| Yes?
|
| Carl:
| Can we assume Homer's gonna be there all day?
|
| Smithers:
| I suppose so.
|
| Carl:
| Then we can also assume you aren't gettin' any work
done today, right?
|
| Smithers:
| I... well, yes, theoretically.
|
| Carl:
| So if you aren't gettin' anything done anyway, you
don't actually NEED Homer there, right?
|
| Smithers:
| Well, I...
|
| Carl:
| So it wont hurt if he comes with me to the bar.
|
| Smithers:
| So you're... going to take him away?
|
| Carl:
| That's right. (To Homer) Come on, Homer. We're goin'
to Moe's.
|
| Homer:
| (Jumping up) Woo-hoo!
|
| Carl:
| (To Smithers) Now no sneaky knockin' Homer's house
down while we're gone.
|
| Smithers:
| I wouldn't dream of it...
|
Scene 3
Cut to Moe's bar. Homer and Carl enter.
Barney is seated at the bar.
| Carl:
| (To Moe) Two beers, please. And hurry. The world's
about to end.
|
| Moe:
| In that case, that'll be fifteen dollars each. (He
sets the beers down)
|
| Carl:
| (To Homer) Homer, if I said I'm actually from a
planet somewhere near Betelgeuse, and not from Springfield, what would you
think?
|
| Homer:
| Why? Is that something you'd say? (Sips his beer)
|
| Carl:
| Yes.
|
| Homer:
| Oh.... well are you saying that?
|
| Carl:
| Yes.
|
| Homer:
| I see... could you excuse me for a moment? (Gulps
down half of his beer, goes outside, screams, comes back in, sits down)
|
| Carl:
| Better finish that beer, Homer. The world's about to
end.
|
| Homer:
| Hey, I don't need an excuse to drink beer!
|
There is a loud crashing sound.
| Homer:
| (Looks up from beer) What was that?
|
| Carl:
| Prob'ly just your house bein' knocked down, that's
all.
|
| Homer:
| Aaa! (Runs out of bar, dropping empty beer glass)
|
| Carl:
| Homer, wait! (To Moe) Here's all my money. You got
one minute to spend it. (Runs out after Homer, leaving a wad of cash on
the bar) |
Moe picks up the money, holds it to the
light to see if it's real, then hugs it to himself with a smile.
Scene 4
Homer runs up to his house, which the
bulldozers are begining to wreck.
| Homer:
| Stop that! Stop it or I'll... do something not
nice! (Waves his fists in anger) You stupid jerks!!
|
| Carl:
| (Catching up. Panting) Don't sweat it, Homer. It
doesn't matter.
|
| Homer:
| (Gets down on his knees, nearly in tears) But my
house! My TV! My.... my refrigerator!! (Starts to cry) You evil... evil
people!
|
| Carl:
| (Patting Homer on the back) There, there. Don't
worry. |
There is a rumbling sound, and a large
shadow passes over them.
| Homer:
| (Looking up) What the hell is THAT?!
|
| Carl:
| Vogon constructor fleet. |
There is an announcement from the ship
(voice of Mr. Burns). Crowds of people listen with fear. Among those shown are
Patty and Selma, Jimbo, Mulder and Scully, and the bumble-bee man.
| Burns:
| People of Earth... Ahoy ahoy. This is Prosthetnic
Vogon Burns. As you know, this sector of the galaxy has been selected as
the sight of the new hyperspace nuclear power plant. And that development
requires the destruction of your planet. Nothing personal, that's just
what we do... (He pauses. Someone is answering him, but only he can hear
it.)... What do you mean you didn't know? The plans have been on display
at the Alpha Centauri plant for a thousand years!... (Pauses again)...
Never been to Alpha Centauri?! What a bunch of lay-abouts! I've no
sympathy for you. Good bye! (P.A. cuts off, then comes back on) And have a
nice day. Toodles. (P.A. cuts off again) |
Shot of earth from a distance. It
explodes, as the Vogon ships fly away.
| Voice of Nelson:
| (As the Earth explodes) Ha ha!
|
Scene 5
Inside the ship, Carl is standing over an
unconscious Homer.
| Carl:
| Homer? Homer, wake up.
|
| Homer:
| (Rolls over and moans) Just five more minutes, Marge.
|
| Carl:
| (Kicks Homer, who sits up, startled) Get up.
|
| Homer:
| What happened? Where are we?
|
| Carl:
| We hitched a ride on the Vogon ship.
|
| Homer:
| (Whiney) I need a beer. |
The P.A. comes on, with Burns' voice.
| Burns:
| Ungh, ruh, sprcht vbrg unh...
|
| Homer:
| Huh?
|
| Carl:
| Here. (Reaches in his pocket) Put this fish in your
ear. (Puts a small fish in Homer's ear)
|
| Homer:
| Ew! It's all slimey and gross! And grossly slimey!
|
| Burns:
| ...first... Message repeat... Attention everyone. I
see from our instruments that we have a couple of hitchhikers on board.
Greetings, hitchhikers. All of the ship's guards are currently searching
for you. When they find you, you will be thrown out into space. Or perhaps
I'll read you my poem first. That is all.
|
| Homer:
| Hey, I can understand him!
|
| Carl:
| The fish is translating for you.
|
| Homer:
| That's one smart fish! It must be some kind of
wonderful super fish!
|
| Carl:
| Nah, just a Babel fish. Now come on, we gotta hide.
|
| Homer:
| Why?
|
| Carl:
| Weren't you listening? They wanna kill us! Or
(swallows) read us poetry!
|
| Grampa:
| Bart's Guide To The Galaxy has this to say about
Vogon poetry...
|
| Bart:
| Vogon poetry sucks, man. It's the second worst in the
universe. The worst of all is written by my sister, Lisa. Luckily, her
poetry died when the Earth blew up like a big cherry bomb. Mwahaha.
|
Scene 6
On the ship's bridge, Burns is seated in a
large chair. Homer and Carl are dragged in by a big guard.
| Homer:
| (As he is dragged into the room) Watch it! Be gentle!
|
| Burns:
| (To the guard) Eeeeeexcellent. Seat them in the
poetry appreciation chairs. |
The guard shoves them into the seats.
| Burns:
| (To Homer and Carl) Welcome. I trust you know what is
about to happen?
|
| Carl:
| Couldn't you just shoot us in the heads or something?
|
| Homer:
| It's THAT bad?
|
| Carl:
| 'Fraid so.
|
| Burns:
| My poem is entitled "My Poem." (Clears his throat)
'Oh, drudgebudly honderfrug. How I hate thee. You are so brezbubly that it
makes me crabee! Bez-rup budle, how you stebebdle me. Frezlit! You are so
full of desblebdidle that I sneeze. Brebkuff.'
|
| Carl:
| Ohhhh....
|
| Homer:
| Wow! That was great! You're better than that frosty
guy... What's his name? Robert something?...
|
| Carl:
| (Moans, coughs, sputters) You mean you LIKED it,
Homer?!
|
| Burns:
| (To Homer) So, you liked it?
|
| Homer:
| Oh, yeah... Now, let me recite MY poem. (Stands up)
'Oh, donuts, sweet donuts. Sprinkles! Icing! Chocolate cream! Sweet,
crumbly donuts. So full of delicious....'
|
| Burns:
| (Jumping up in the middle of Homer's poem, covering
his ears) Enough! (To guard) Get them out of here before my eardrums
burst! |
The guard takes Homer and Carl out.
| Homer:
| Ow! Hey, watch it! I'm fragile.
|
| Guard:
| Resistance is useless!
|
| Homer:
| Oh, well why didn't you say so? (He stops fighting
and goes limp, making the guard have to drag him along)
|
| Guard:
| (Struggling) Ermph... Resistance is... ermph... Would
you please move your feet!
|
| Homer:
| Sorry. (Begins walking along with the guard again)
|
| Carl:
| Look, why do you want to throw us out?
|
| Guard:
| It's my job.
|
| Carl:
| Do you enjoy it? I mean, is it a satisfying job?
|
| Guard:
| Well, it's alright... I suppose... Yeah.
|
| Carl:
| Are you sure?
|
| Guard:
| Well, now that I come to think of it, it isn't really
much fun, I guess.
|
| Homer:
| (To the guard) I'll trade you jobs.
|
| Guard:
| What do you do?
|
| Homer:
| I'm a nucular technician.
|
| Guard:
| (After some thought) No, I think I'll keep this job.
(Throws them into an airlock and slams the door behind them)
|
| Carl:
| (Sarcastic) Well this is just GREAT!
|
| Homer:
| Really? I thought it was pretty
bad. |
The door opens and they are sucked out into
space.
Scene 7
| Grampa:
| Bart's Guide To The Galaxy has this to say about
being sucked out into space...
|
| Bart:
| If you get sucked out into space, you have thirty
seconds before you suffocate, and your blood freezes, and all kinds of
other cool stuff happens. The chances of being picked up in that time are
a bazillion-trillion-million to one. |
Homer and Carl are picked up by a passing
ship, inside of which, strange things are happening.
| Homer:
| What is this place? Shelbyville? (A bowling ball
suddenly appears and falls on his foot) D'OH! (Whiney) Owww, that hurt.
|
| Carl:
| I don't know, but it's weird. (A racoon appears on
his head, then vanishes)
|
| Homer:
| (As an arrow flies at his face) Aaa! (It vanishes an
inch from his nose) Whew.
|
| Carl:
| There's some really crazy stuff goin' on here. This
place is nuts.
|
| Homer:
| Mmmm, nuts...
|
| Carl:
| I don't like this. (A pair of goofy glasses
materializes on his face, then vanishes)
|
| Homer:
| Hey! My arm is floating away!
|
| Carl:
| No it's not.
|
| Homer:
| Well it was... Hey, Carl, you're turning into a
penguin! Stop it! (A donut appears in front of him) Oooh, a donut.
|
| Carl:
| (Now a penguin) This is too weird.
|
A voice (Mindy Simmons) begins to speak,
seemingly from nowhere.
| Mindy:
| Two-million-fifty-thousand-one-hundred-forty-two to
one against, and falling.
|
| Homer:
| Who's that? She sounds familiar...
|
| Mindy:
| Welcome to the Starship Heart of Copper.
|
| Carl:
| Huh? What's goin' on around here?
|
| Mindy:
| There's nothing to be afraid of. You're perfectly
safe.
|
| Carl:
| Yeah, a perfectly safe penguin.
|
| Homer:
| Heheh. Penguin. (Suddenly he is standing over a
large pit) Aaa! (The ground reappears) Whoa, that was close.
|
| Mindy:
| Five-thousand-two-hundred-three to one against, and
falling.
|
| Carl:
| (No longer a penguin) Why's she counting
probability?
|
| Homer:
| Yeah. And what do those numbers mean?
|
| Mindy:
| We have normality. Anything you still can't cope
with is your own problem. |
Homer and Carl are now in an ordinary
spaceship. Mindy is not with them.
| Carl:
| Hm. This ship is brand new.
|
| Homer:
| How can you tell?
|
| Carl:
| (Holding up a booklet) Found the owner's manual.
(Opens the booklet) Hey, this is that new Improbable Drive ship! Wow.
|
| Homer:
| What's that mean? (He idly presses a button, which
beeps. He jumps back in surprise)
|
| Carl:
| It runs on improbability.
|
| Homer:
| What's that mean?
|
| Carl:
| Oh, never mind. |
Scene 8
On the ship's bridge, Otto (with two heads
and three arms), Mindy Simmons, and Kirk Van Houten (as a robot) are sitting
around.
| Mindy:
| Otto, we picked up some hitchhikers. Should I send
the robot down for them?
|
| Otto:
| Hitchhikers? Cool!
|
| Mindy:
| (To Kirk) Go down and bring them up here, okay
Kirk?
|
| Kirk:
| Here I am, brain the size of a planet... well, not
even that really... and you want me to bring a couple of guys up to the
bridge. (Sighs) First my wife divorces me, and now I get this crummy job.
I wish the cracker factory hadn't fired me.
|
| Mindy:
| Just go. Oh, and bring some pretzels back too.
|
| Kirk:
| (As he walks out) Life, don't talk to me about
life.
|
| Otto:
| (Turns on a screen, which shows Homer and Carl)
Hey, cool! This is gonna be great! |
Cut to Homer and Carl
| Carl:
| I wonder who's ship this is, anyway.
|
| Homer:
| I wonder what all these switches do. (Pulls one)
|
| Carl:
| What'd it do?
|
| Homer:
| It lit up a sign that says, "Don't pull that
switch, stupid." |
Kirk enters
| Kirk:
| Hi there. They sent me down to bring you two up to
the bridge. (Sighs to himself)
|
| Carl:
| Hey, robot, who's ship is this?
|
| Kirk:
| (Ignoring him) Oh, wonderful. This door's going to
talk to us. (Door opens)
|
| Door:
| (Voice of Dr. Hibbert) Please enjoy your trip
through this door. Heheheh.
|
| Kirk:
| (Stepping through the door) Awful, isn't it?
|
| Carl:
| Who's...?
|
| Kirk:
| (Interrupting) Hurry up. |
Carl and Homer follow him out.
Back on the bridge, Otto is watching TV.
The news is on, and the anchor is Kent Brockman.
| Kent:
| In other news, the starship Heart of Copper has
been stolen, by none other than the president of the galaxy himself. "Why
would the president steal the ship he was supposed to be launching?," you
might wonder... I know that's what this reporter is asking. Let's go to
his private brain care specialist for some insight. (Picture cuts to Dr.
Marvin Monroe)
|
| Monroe:
| Well, Otto's just this guy, you know... (TV turns
off)
|
| Otto:
| Hey, Mindy, I was watchin' that! It's about me!
|
| Mindy:
| But there's something more important than that...
|
| Otto:
| If there's anything more important than my ego, I
want it shot. Or blown up. Or run over repeatedly with a bus. Or...
|
| Kirk:
| (Entering) Uhh-I brought up the...
|
| Door:
| (Interrupting him) It is a pleasure to open for
you, and close again with the satisfaction of a job well done. Heheheh.
|
| Kirk:
| Uhh-I hate these doors. They make me so depressed.
|
| Mindy:
| You were saying?
|
| Kirk:
| Oh yeah. I brought the hitchhikers up like you
asked. I'll just go off somewhere and rust, unless you need me to pick up
a piece of paper or some other highly challenging task.
|
| Otto:
| Show them in, then you can go rust wherever you
want.
|
| Kirk:
| (As he turns to open the door) Life. Loath it or
ignore it, you can't like it.
|
| Door:
| (Opening) Pleased to be of service. Heheheheh.
|
Carl and Homer enter.
| Door:
| (As it closes) Thank you. Heheheh.
|
| Carl:
| (To Otto) Otto? What're YOU doin' with this ship?
|
| Otto:
| I 'borrowed' it, if you know what I mean... So,
Carl, long time no see. What's up, dude?
|
| Carl:
| Not much. I just helped my friend here escape from
his planet before it blew up, we narrowly escaped death, had a Vogon read
poetry at us. That kinda thing.
|
| Otto:
| Who's the dude?
|
| Carl:
| Otto, this is Homer. We worked together. Homer,
this is my semi-cousin, Otto.
|
| Homer:
| (Accusingly) We've met.
|
| Carl:
| But how...?
|
| Homer:
| (To Otto, still accusingly) Haven't we?
|
| Otto:
| Look man, I don't know what you're talkin' about.
|
| Homer:
| (No longer accusingly; more conversationally) You
used to drive my kids' school bus, remember?
|
| Otto:
| Oh yeah. That job rocked.
|
| Mindy:
| (Who had been busy with something and not really
paying attention to them) Hi, Homer.
|
| Homer:
| Mindy!?
|
| Kirk:
| Uhhh-Excuse me. I hate to interrupt your little
reunion, but I just want to give you your pretzels and be going. (Hands
Mindy a bag of pretzels)
|
| Mindy:
| (Eating a pretzel) Didn't think I'd see you again,
Homer. But this explains my disappearance, doesn't it?
|
| Homer:
| (Takes the pretzel bag, removes a few pretzels,
hands them to Mindy, and keeps the bag for himself) We still can't have
sex.
|
| Homer's brain:
| Shut up you fool! The Earth blew up. Marge is gone.
You can do whatever you want.
|
| Homer:
| (To his brain, not really out loud) Shouldn't I be
grieving or something? (Eats a pretzel)
|
| Homer's brain:
| Oh fine, do whatever you want. I'll be right here,
dying cell by cell if you need me... That reminds me, I need some beer.
|
| Homer:
| (Out loud) Is there any beer on this ship?
|
| Mindy:
| Unfortunately, no.
|
| Otto:
| Shh! Look, we're here! (Points to a screen, which
shows a picture of a planet)
|
| Carl:
| Where is 'here' exactly?
|
| Otto:
| Computer...
|
| Computer:
| (Voice of Ned Flanders) Hi-dilly-ho! This is
Neddie, your ship-board computer! What can I diddily do you for?
|
| Otto:
| Tell them where we are, computer.
|
| Computer:
| Okally-dokally. We're over the ancient planet of
Magrathea. Isn't this exciting?!... It's got me tingly all over.
|
| Carl:
| Magrathea? That's just a kids' story.
|
| Otto:
| No, it's real. There it is right there, man.
(Points at the screen)
|
| Carl:
| That could be any planet.
|
| Grampa:
| Bart's Guide To The Galaxy has a lot to say about
the ancient planet of Magrathea, but most of it doesn't make any sense.
Here's a part of it that almost does...
|
| Bart:
| Magrathea is this really old planet where they used
to build designer planets for people. But then people couldn't afford it,
so Magrathea vanished. Anyone who believes that can eat my shorts.
|
A recording begins to play, and is
accompanied by a hologram, which appears in the middle of the ships bridge. The
recording (including the hologram) is of Apu.
| Apu:
| Hello, prospective customers. Welcome to Magrathea.
We are pleased that you are interested in our services, but we are,
unfortunately, closed at this time... Thank you, come again. (Hologram
vanishes)
|
| Mindy:
| Now what?
|
| Otto:
| We keep going. That was just a recording.
|
| Apu:
| (Hologram reappears) We are delighted that you are
so enthusiastic, and we assure you that the guided missiles currently
headed toward your ship are simply a service extended to our most
persistant clients. Please to be visiting in future lives. (Hologram
vanishes again)
|
| Homer:
| (Frantically dancing on his toes and talking very
fast) Oh no, the missiles are coming and we're all gonna die, what're we
gonna do, the missiles are coming, ohh, what'll we do? They're coming
right now to kill us and we'll all be dead. Ohhhh....
|
| Otto:
| Chill, Homer dude. It's just a recording. There
aren't any missiles.
|
| Carl:
| Well then, whatd'ya call those? (Points at the
screen, which shows two missiles headed for them)
|
| Otto:
| Awwww, man. That sucks!
|
| Homer:
| Hey, what if we pushed this improba-thingy button?
|
| Otto:
| Without programming it first?!... Cool!!
|
Homer presses the button, and there is a
flash of light.
| Mindy:
| What happened to the missiles?
|
| Carl:
| Looks like they turned into a bowl of petunias and
a sperm whale.
|
| Homer:
| (Laughing) AHAHAHAHA!! It turned into a whale!
HAHAHAHA!... It works on so many levels! AHAHAHA!! (He continues to
chuckle for a few seconds, and wipes a tear from his eye)
|
| Otto:
| (To Homer) Hey man, that was pretty cool.
|
| Homer:
| Oh, it was nothing.
|
| Otto:
| Oh. Okay then. (Turns away)
|
| Homer:
| (Whiney) Wait, it wasn't completely nothing! I
saved our lives!... Come on, pay attention to me! |
Scene 9
The ship lands on the surface of
Magrathea. Back inside...
| Otto:
| Man, I can't believe we actually found this
place. This is SO cool!
|
| Mindy:
| Let's go outside and look around... And bring
those pretzels.
|
| Homer:
| I ate them all.
|
| Computer:
| (Now with the voice of Agnes Skinner) Put on
your coats before you go out there! It's cold!
|
| Carl:
| What's with the computer?
|
| Otto:
| I turned on the backup personality... It's not
much better, though.
|
| Computer:
| I heard that!
|
| Otto:
| (To the computer) Just open the door, will ya'?
|
| Computer:
| Not until you apologize.
|
| Otto:
| No way, man.
|
| Computer:
| I can wait all day...
|
| Carl:
| Just apologize, Otto.
|
| Otto:
| Uh-uh. No way.
|
| Computer:
| Then this door stays closed. And go clean your
room.
|
| Otto:
| Open the door, or I'll reprogram you with a
crow-bar! (Door opens) That's more like it. (They all go out. Kirk
comes onto the bridge and follows them outside)
|
| Homer:
| Wow... an alien planet... It sure is boring.
(He sees something on the ground and picks it up) What's this?
|
| Carl:
| Whale meat.
|
| Homer:
| Mmmm, meat... I mean, EW! (Throws it on the
ground)
|
| Mindy:
| Look, I found an opening. It must lead inside
the planet.
|
| Homer:
| Inside?
|
| Otto:
| The Magratheans lived underground. Prob'ly
'cause the surface of the planet is like, dumpsville. (He enters the
tunnel, followed by Mindy and Carl) Homer, you stay up here with the
robot and keep guard.
|
| Homer:
| Why? I thought they were all supposed to be
dead or something.
|
| Otto:
| Just for safety.
|
| Homer:
| Who's? Mine or yours? (Otto leaves without
answering him) Oh, just GREAT.
|
| Kirk:
| They do this to me all the time... Uhh-I hate
this job... I'm so depressed.
|
| Homer:
| Um... I have to go... sit... over there... now.
(Walks off)
|
| Kirk:
| I don't blame you. I wouldn't want to talk to
me either... Uhh-I think I'll turn myself off for a while.
|
As Homer is walking, Professor Frink
comes up behind him.
| Frink:
| Excuse me.
|
| Homer:
| Aaa! Who are you?
|
| Frink:
| My name is not important... Mwaahey.
|
| Homer:
| (Whiney) Aw, come on! Tell me! I really wanna
know!
|
| Frink:
| Slartibartfast.
|
| Homer:
| (Laughing) AHAHAHA! What a crappy name! You
must really hate your parents! Heeheehee, Slartibartfast! BWAHAHAHA!
|
| Frink:
| (Annoyed) Come on, let's go before you're
late... Mwahooyl.
|
| Homer:
| Late for what?
|
| Frink:
| What's your name?
|
| Homer:
| Simpson. Homer Simpson.
|
| Frink:
| Late, as in the late Simpsonhomersimpson...
It's sort of a threat, you see. I'm not very good at them, but I'm
told they can be very effective... Fwaahoy. (He leads Homer over to
his hovering motorcycle. They both climb on)
|
| Homer:
| Where are we going?
|
| Frink:
| To see the mice... They were very upset to hear
that the Earth blew up. Just five more minutes...
|
| Homer:
| (Interrupting) Okay okay, I didn't ask for your
life story. Sheesh. |
They fly off, eventually entering a
tunnel.
Scene 10
Mindy, Carl and Otto are sitting
around a large table, which is covered with food. Mindy is stuffing her
face. Homer and Frink enter.
| Carl:
| Homer! Where've you been?
|
| Mindy:
| Have some food, Homer.
|
| Homer:
| Woo-hoo! (Sits down and starts shoveling food
into his mouth) |
Two mice, both of which look like
Itchy, climb up onto the table.
| Homer:
| Aaa! There are mice on the table! Ew! Get 'em
away!
|
| Carl:
| (Whispering to Homer) They're our hosts.
|
| Homer:
| Oh. (To mice) In that case, could you get me a
beer?
|
| Itchy 1:
| We have more important things to discuss, earth
man.
|
| Homer:
| More important than BEER!?
|
| Itchy 2:
| Much more important.
|
| Frink:
| Excuse me...
|
| Homer:
| (To Frink) Do you ever shut up?
|
| Itchy 2:
| You can go now, Slartibartfast.
|
| Homer:
| Heeheehee. It sounds like Slartibreakfast.
|
| Frink:
| But I...
|
| Itchy 2:
| (Pulling out a mallot) You can go now.
|
| Frink:
| Mwaah... alright... Fwahoyl. (He leaves)
|
| Itchy 1:
| Now, where were we?... Oh, yes. (Turns to
Homer) As you know, the Earth was actually a giant computer,
designed to find the question to the...
|
| Homer:
| (With a mouthfull of food) Computer?
|
| Itchy 1:
| Okay, you didn't know that.
|
| Itchy 2:
| Anyway, it was designed to...
|
| Itchy 1:
| (Pulling out a bomb) I'm telling it!
|
| Itchy 2:
| Okay, okay. You can tell it.
|
| Itchy 1:
| (Putting the bomb away) It was designed to find
the question to the answer to life, the universe, and everything.
|
| Homer:
| What's the answer?
|
| Carl:
| Donuts.
|
| Homer:
| Mmmm, answer... (Begins to drool and gurgle)
|
| Itchy 2:
| So anyway, we want to get the answer from you.
Since you were on the Earth before it blew up, it should be in your
brainwaves.
|
| Homer:
| How can you get it?
|
| Itchy 1:
| It's very easy, once we remove the brain.
(Pulls out a chainsaw)
|
| Homer:
| Aaa!
|
| Carl:
| Hold it! You never mentioned that to us.
|
| Itchy 2:
| It's okay. We'll replace it with an electronic
brain.
|
| Otto:
| Yeah, you could just program it to say "D'oh,"
"woo-hoo," and "where's the beer?" Who'd notice the difference?
|
| Homer:
| (Chuckling) Not me, that's for sure.
|
An alarm sounds. There is an
announcement.
| Anncmt:
| Intruders on the premises! Alien police have
infiltrated!
|
| Carl:
| Run! (He runs out, followed by Mindy, Otto and
Homer)
|
| Itchy 1:
| Wait! We need the question! Come back here!
(Waves the chainsaw around angrily)
|
| Itchy 2:
| Oh, let's just make one up and forget it.
|
| Itchy 1:
| Okay. How about... "What do you get if you
multiply six by nine?"
|
| Itchy 2:
| Fine by me. |
Scene 11
Homer and the others run into a room
that is full of computers. Some shots are fired at them from above.
He looks up and sees Chief Wiggum and
Lou on a cat-walk above them. They are each holding a large gun.
| Wiggum:
| That was us, folks.
|
| Lou:
| Okay, Otto, are you gonna come quietly?
|
| Otto:
| No way, man!
|
| Wiggum:
| We don't want to shoot you.
|
| Homer:
| (Relieved) Oh, good. For a minute there I
thought... (He is interrupted by more shots) Hey! You said you don't
want to shoot us!
|
| Wiggum:
| We don't want to, but we will if we have to.
|
| Carl:
| You didn't have to just then!
|
| Wiggum:
| Look, you're not dealing with a couple of
jerks who go around gratuitously shooting people and then bragging
about it to our friends. No, I go around gratuitously shooting
people and then agonize about it to my wife over a pint of
ice-cream.
|
| Mindy:
| Mmmm, ice-cream...
|
| Lou:
| And I read novels! Only I haven't understood
any of them yet, so I have to warn you, I'm in a bad mood.
|
| Wiggum:
| So, are you gonna come along quietly, or do we
have to shoot you, then blow up this planet, along with a couple
other planets we saw on the way over here?... Except for the one
with that donut shop.
|
| Homer:
| What kind of donuts?
|
| Wiggum:
| Oh, all kinds. Frosted, cream-filled,
sprinkled...
|
| Homer:
| Mmmm... (More shots are fired at them)
|
| Otto:
| What was that for?
|
| Lou:
| Finger slipped.
|
| Wiggum:
| Look, are you gonna surrender or not?
|
| Otto:
| No!
|
| Wiggum:
| (Whining) Aw, come on. Just give up already.
Pleeeease.
|
| Otto:
| No!
|
| Wiggum:
| Aw, geeze... I have to meet my wife for dinner
in an hour.
|
| Lou:
| They're tryin' to get away, Chief.
|
More shots chase Homer and the others
behind a computer bank.
| Otto:
| This really sucks, man.
|
| Carl:
| (To Wiggum and Lou) What'd he do, anyway?
|
| Lou:
| Stole the Heart of Copper.
|
| Carl:
| Oh yeah. |
More shots are fired. Suddenly, the
computer bank explodes.
| Homer:
| (As it explodes) D'oh!
|
| Wiggum:
| That's some nice shootin' there, Lou.
|
| Lou:
| Thanks, chief. |
Scene 12
Homer, Mindy, Carl and Otto are
lying on the floor of a restaurant lobby, just waking up.
| Carl:
| What happened? Are we dead?
|
| Waiter:
| (Coming up to them) Would the gentlemen and
the lady care to order drinks?
|
| Otto:
| Whoa, man, what a rush.
|
| Carl:
| So this is the afterlife... Cushier than I'd
expected.
|
| Otto:
| I don't think this is the afterlife, Carl
dude.
|
| Mindy:
| Looks like a... restaurant.
|
| Homer:
| Oooh, a restaurant.
|
| Otto:
| Hold it. I think we're missin' something
here. Something somebody said...
|
| Mindy:
| I said it looks like a restaurant.
|
| Homer:
| I said, "Oooh."
|
| Waiter:
| Ahem... Drinks?
|
| Otto:
| That was it! (To waiter) I'll have a Pan
Galactic Gargle Blaster.
|
| Carl:
| Let's see... I will have... the same.
|
| Mindy:
| Me too.
|
| Homer:
| What's a Pan Galactic what-cha-hicky?
|
| Waiter:
| It's the strongest drink in the galaxy, sir.
Drinking one is like being hit in the head with a lemon, wrapped
around a large gold brick.
|
| Homer:
| I'll take six.
|
| Waiter:
| Very well. I'll show you to your table. And
in a few minutes, the universe will end for your enjoyment.
|
| Homer:
| What did he say?
|
| Grampa:
| Bart's Guide to the Galaxy has a lot to say,
which can get pretty annoying. It especially has a lot to say about
restaurants. Including Milliways, the restaurant at the end of the
universe. Unfortunately, most of what it says is a load of stupid
gibberish, and isn't worth mentioning... I'm going to take a nap
now. |
While the narrator was talking, the
waiter took Homer and the others into the restaurant, which is full of
aliens, including Kodos and Kang.
| Waiter:
| (As they sit down) Now, would you like to see
a menu, or meet the dish of the day?
|
| Otto:
| (Perking up) Dish?!
|
| Carl:
| (Whispering to Otto) It's not what you think.
|
| Otto:
| (Disappointed) Oh...
|
| Carl:
| (To Waiter) So let's meet it then.
|
| Waiter:
| Very good, sir. (He claps his hands, and a
cow is wheeled out on a cart)
|
| Cow:
| (Voice of Comic Shop Guy) Hello, I am the
dish of the day. May I interest you in various parts of me? I assure
you, I will be delicious.
|
| Homer:
| You mean you WANT us to eat you?!
|
| Cow:
| That is correct.
|
| Homer:
| Woo-hoo! (Bites the cow's arm)
|
| Cow:
| (Pulling his arm away) You might prefer to
wait until I have been cooked.
|
| Homer:
| (Disappointed) D'oh.
|
| Cow:
| Now, what would you like? Perhaps something
off my shoulder? Or perhaps you would prefer a rump roast?
|
| Mindy:
| Mmmm, rump roast... (Begins to drool)
|
| Carl:
| Four T-bone steaks, please.
|
| Cow:
| Excellent choice. I'll run off and shoot
myself, just as soon as Star Trek is over. Good day. (He is wheeled
away) |
Troy McClure comes up onto a stage
in the middle of the restaurant. Everyone applauds.
| Troy:
| Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me
from such events as the Big Bang, and the Betelgeuse 3 disaster Area
concert... |
Drinks and breadsticks are brought
to Homer and the others, and set down on their table.
| Homer:
| Mindy, what's Disaster Area?
|
| Mindy:
| (Stuffing her face with breadsticks) Can't
talk. Eating.
|
| Otto:
| Disaster Area is only the loudest, most
awesome band ever. They're so loud the audience has to sit in
concrete bunkers thirty miles away. They are SO rockin' dude.
|
| Homer:
| Wow. So very loud...
|
| Troy:
| (Who has been talking all along) If you turn
your eyes to the dome roof above you, you'll see the sky turning an
eerie shade of red. It looks like we're in for a fabulous evening's
apocolypse, folks! (There are cheers and applause)
|
| Waiter:
| (Coming over to Otto, with a phone on a tray)
Sir, there is a phone call for you. (Hands phone to Otto)
|
| Otto:
| Whoa, who knows we're here? (Picks up the
phone) Hello?
|
| Kirk:
| (On other end) Hi there.
|
| Otto:
| Kirk, dude! Where are you, man?
|
| Kirk:
| Uhh-I'm in the parking garage.
|
| Otto:
| What're you doin' there?
|
| Kirk:
| Parking cars. What else would I do in a
parking garage?
|
| Otto:
| We'll be right down. (Hangs up phone)
|
| Homer:
| Who was that?
|
| Otto:
| That was the robot.
|
| Homer:
| What robot?
|
| Carl:
| The one they had on the ship.
|
| Homer:
| What ship?
|
| Otto:
| The one we picked you up in!
|
| Homer:
| Ohhh... THAT ship.
|
| Mindy:
| Come on, let's go down and get him.
|
| Homer:
| Get who?
|
| Otto:
| The robot!
|
| Homer:
| What robot? |
Scene 13
Homer and the others enter the parking
garage. They begin admiring the ships.
| Otto:
| Carl, dude, check out this awesome ship!
(Points to a ship that is entirely black)
|
| Carl:
| (Whistles, running his hand along the side of
it) Wow.
|
| Kirk:
| (Coming over to them) Where have you been?
Uhh-I've been waiting here for millions of years.
|
| Mindy:
| What was that like?
|
| Kirk:
| Awful. Parking garages are pretty boring.
|
| Homer:
| (Laughing, as he rides a nearby elevator-type
thing up and down) Are you kidding?! I could live here!... Elevator
goes up. Elevator goes down. Elevator goes up. Elevator goes down...
|
| Carl:
| (To Kirk) How'd you get here, anyway?
|
| Otto:
| Yeah...we left him on Magrathea! What's the
deal?
|
| Kirk:
| Where do you think they built the restaurant?
|
| Homer:
| (Coming over, having gotten bored with the
elevator) Where?
|
| Kirk:
| (Slightly annoyed) Magrathea.
|
| Homer:
| Oh.
|
| Otto:
| (Admiring the ship again) I would love this
ride, man. I say we rip it off.
|
| Carl:
| Steal it?
|
| Otto:
| Yeah!
|
| Carl:
| Okay.
|
| Kirk:
| Uhh-I suppose you want me to open it?
|
| Otto:
| I hadn't thought of that, but since you
mentioned it...
|
| Kirk:
| (Sighs) Fine. (He touches the door and it
opens)
|
| Otto:
| Cool!
|
| Homer:
| (To Kirk) Now can you do that with this jar?
(Holds up a jar of pickles) I've been trying to get it open forever.
|
They all enter the ship.
| Carl:
| Wow. It's all black inside. Neat.
|
| Otto:
| Whoa, even the controls are black. How're we
supposed to fly it? |
The ship begins to move on its
own.
| Carl:
| Guess we don't have to.
|
| Otto:
| Cool, man!
|
| Homer:
| Where are we going?
|
| Otto:
| Who cares?
|
| Mindy:
| Wherever we're going, I hope they have donuts.
|
| Carl:
| Speakin' of donuts, I wonder what the question
is...
|
| Homer:
| What question? I don't remember anything about
a question.
|
| Carl:
| The question to the answer... (Homer still
looks confused)... To life, the universe and everything...
|
| Mindy:
| Remember, Homer? The answer was donuts.
|
| Homer:
| Oh yeah... Good answer.
|
| Kirk:
| Uhh-I can tell you the question. (He is
ignored)
|
| Carl:
| I guess they never found it out. What with the
Earth explodin' an' all.
|
| Kirk:
| Uhh-I know it.
|
| Mindy:
| Kirk, did you say something?
|
| Kirk:
| (Sighs) I said I can tell you the question...
But you don't seem interested, so I'll just go rust someplace.
|
| Carl:
| Of course we're interested! How come you didn't
tell us you knew sooner?
|
| Kirk:
| You didn't ask.
|
| Carl:
| Well we're askin' now... How do you know it
anyway?
|
| Kirk:
| (Pointing at Homer, who is spinning in a chair)
It's in his brainwaves... what few he has.
|
| Mindy:
| So what is it? |
The ship suddenly jolts violently.
| Otto:
| What the...?!
|
| Carl:
| I think we stopped. We must've been traveling
through time, and now we got to where we were goin'.
|
| Homer:
| (To Carl) What are you? The narrator?
|
| Grampa:
| (Trying to get attention) I'm the narrator...
|
| Kirk:
| (To himself) Uhh-I could tell they weren't
interested.
|
| Mindy:
| I wonder where we are? And WHEN?
|
A voice crackles over the ships PA
system.
| Voice:
| Black stunt ship ready.
|
| Homer:
| Who said that?
|
| Voice:
| Sundive to commence in five... four...
|
| Carl:
| Sundive!?
|
| Voice:
| Three... two...
|
| Kirk:
| Well, what do you expect if you steal Disaster
Area's stunt ship?
|
| Voice:
| Go! (The ship begins to move)
|
| Mindy:
| Stunt ship!? Why didn't you tell us, Kirk?
|
| Kirk:
| You didn't ask.
|
| Otto:
| We better blow this joint, dudes.
|
| Homer:
| What does "teleport" mean?
|
| Carl:
| Where's it say that?
|
| Homer:
| Right under this sign... What does "Out of
order" mean?
|
| Carl:
| Where's it say THAT?
|
| Homer:
| On the sign.
|
| Carl:
| (Disappointed) It means it ain't gonna work.
|
| Homer:
| What won't work?
|
| Carl:
| The teleport.
|
| Homer:
| But what does "teleport" mean?
|
| Carl:
| It means our only way outta here.
|
| Homer:
| D'oh!
|
| Otto:
| Hey, robot dude, can't you fix it?
|
| Kirk:
| Uhh-I guess. (He starts to fiddle with wires in
a panel on the wall)
|
| Carl:
| Well?
|
| Kirk:
| Looks like it works, but you can't control
where you'll end up. Uhh-also someone has to stay behind and work
it.
|
| Otto:
| (To Carl, Mindy and Homer) Come here, dudes.
(They huddle up and start whispering. When they stop, Otto turns to
Kirk) Robot dude, how's it goin'?
|
| Kirk:
| Pretty bad, from the look of it.
|
| Otto:
| Thanks a million, man. (Gives Kirk a thumbs-up
as he climbs into the teleporter) |
Once Otto, Homer, Mindy and Carl are
in the teleporter, Kirk presses a button, which makes them vanish. Now
alone, Kirk sighs to himself and sits down in a corner to wait for the
ship to hit the sun.
Scene 14
Carl and Homer materialize in a dark
passageway of a strange ship.
| Homer:
| (Confused and scared) What the...?!
|
| Carl:
| I wonder what ship this is?
|
Sound of footsteps down the hall.
| Homer:
| (Hiding behind Carl) Someone's coming! Hide me
quick!
|
| Carl:
| Let's run for it. |
They run in opposite directions, turn
around, run into each other, look around frantically, and finally duck
into a doorway.
| Carl:
| We should be safe in here. (Just then, a bunch
a joggers run past the doorway)
|
| Homer:
| (Relieved) Oh, it was just some joggers!...
Heheh. They have to jog and we don't!
|
| Carl:
| Hey, Homer, check it out. (Indicates what is in
the room behind them: thousands of tubes with apparently dead people
inside)
|
| Homer:
| Eeeew! Gross!
|
| Carl:
| There must five thousand dead people here!
Neat.
|
| Homer:
| (Examining the tag on one of the tubes)
"Telephone sanitizer"? Heeheehee. What a stupid job! Heeheehee.
|
| Carl:
| This one's an advertising executive.
|
A guard (Rainier Wolfcastle) enters
the room, unseen by Carl and Homer.
| RW:
| Who are you?
|
| Carl:
| We just... dropped in.
|
| RW:
| Come vith me. (He leads them out of the room at
gun-point) |
Scene 15
On the ship's bridge, there is a
bathtub at the center. The captain (Dr. Nick) is in the tub. Homer and
Carl enter, followed by Wolfcastle.
| Captain:
| Hi, everybody!
|
| Voices:
| (From nowhere in particular) Hi, Captain
Nick!!
|
| RW:
| I brought up ze prisoners. Zey ver in ze
freezer room. Shall I interogate zem?
|
| Captain:
| "Interogate?" That's a funny word.
|
| RW:
| It means asking zem kvestions.
|
| Captain:
| Oh! Okay. Ask them if they want a gin and
tonic.
|
| RW:
| (To Homer and Carl) Vould you like a gin and
tonic, you slime?
|
| Carl:
| Sure, I'll take one.
|
| Homer:
| I'd rather have a beer, but what'r ya' gonna
do?
|
| RW:
| Ice vith zat, you scumbags?
|
| Carl:
| Sure... And, uh, do you have any limes?
|
| RW:
| I'm asking ze kvestions here, punk!
|
| Carl:
| Okay okay, sorry.
|
| RW:
| Vould you like a tvist of lime vith zat, you
scum?
|
| Carl:
| (Perplexed) Uh... yeah...
|
| Captain:
| (To Principal Skinner, who is standing nearby)
Number One, get our guests their drinks. And grab one for me, while
you're at it.
|
| Skinner:
| Right away, Captain. (He goes to a small
freezer and brings out three drinks, which he hands out)
|
| Homer:
| (Taking a drink from Skinner) Ooh, it's got a
little umbrella!
|
| Carl:
| So, Captain, could you just, y'know, drop us
off at the next planet? (Takes a sip of his drink)
|
| Captain:
| Drop you off!? Oh, no I can't do that. Our
course is pre-programmed. I wouldn't know a thing about all these
buttons and dialy things.
|
| Carl:
| I see.. Well, where're we goin' then?
|
| Captain:
| Oh, that's a very interesting story.
|
| Homer:
| Awww, a story! This better be good.
|
| Captain:
| You see, our planet was doomed, so we're going
to start a new one.
|
| Carl:
| With advertising executives and telephone
sanitizers?!
|
| Homer:
| Heehee. Telephone sanitizers.
|
| Captain:
| Well, we're just one of three ships. We're the
'B' Ark. The 'A' Ark has all the smart people, like architects,
doctors, physics guys... and the 'C' Ark has all the working
people... construction doing guys, electricalicians... And the 'B'
Ark - that's us - has everyone else... hairstylists, advertising
executives...
|
| Homer:
| (Giggling) And telephone sanitizers!
|
| Captain:
| That's right.
|
| Carl:
| And, uh, what'd you say is wrong with your
planet?
|
| Captain:
| Oh, it was doomed. It was going to be eaten by
a giant, mutant star goat.
|
| Skinner:
| I was told it was going to fall into the sun.
|
| Carl:
| I... think I see what's goin' on here. (To
Captain Nick) Have you heard from the other ships yet?
|
| Captain:
| No, but we left first, so they're probably
back there somewhere. (To Skinner) Number One, could you hand me the
soap? (Skinner hands him a bar of soap)
|
| Carl:
| When, exactly, are we supposed to land on this
new planet?
|
| Captain:
| Land?! Oh, no, we're programmed to crash.
|
| Carl:
| What?! Why?!
|
| Captain:
| There was some reason for it, but I forget
what it was. I can't be expected to remember everything.
|
| Carl:
| You're a bunch of morons!
|
| Captain:
| Oh, yes, THAT was it!
|
| Homer:
| So, when do we crash?
|
| Captain:
| Any time now. In fact, I should really get out
of this bath soon... Ah, but why stop when I'm enjoying it so much?
Run me some more hot water, Number One.
|
Scene 16
At the crash scene, everyone is off
the ship. Captain Nick is in his tub, which has been salvaged. Homer and
Carl are sitting on a hill, overlooking this scene.
| Grampa:
| The ship crash-landed on a small, blue
planet, killing most of it's passengers. Little did Homer and
what's-his-name know that the planet they were on.... (Begins to
snore)... (Wakes up) The planet was actually the Earth. They had
traveled back millions of years too far, and landed on... (More
snoring)... (Wakes up) I'll have the chicken soup... Huh? Oh, where
was I?... Oh, yeah, they had crash-landed on... Oh, carnsarnit! I
lost my train of thought!
|
| Bart:
| Prehistoric Earth, man.
|
| Grampa:
| Who asked you?!
|
| Carl:
| (To Homer) You hear that, Homer? We're on
Earth!
|
| Grampa:
| Dagnabbit, he wasn't supposed to know that
yet!
|
| Homer:
| How can this be Earth? Where's all the bars
and TV stations and bars and restaurants.... and bars?
|
| Carl:
| This is prehistoric Earth. Those things won't
be around for millions of years.
|
| Homer:
| (Whiney) Millions of years? But I want them
now!
|
| Carl:
| Hey, let's go down there an' tell those guys
what we found out.
|
| Homer:
| Why?
|
| Carl:
| 'Cause.... 'Cause we got nothin' better to
do, that's why. Now come on. (They head down the hill, where a small
crowd is gathered around the captain, who is still in the tub)
|
| Captain:
| Hi, everybody!
|
| Crowd:
| Hi, Captain Nick!
|
| Captain:
| I want to call this meeting to order now. Can
I do that? (Everyone is silent) Thank you. (Turns to Skinner) Go
ahead and start, Number One.
|
| Skinner:
| Thank you, Captain...
|
| Carl:
| (Interrupting) Hi there. I have some
interesting news for you guys...
|
| Skinner:
| Is it on the agenda?
|
| Carl:
| What?
|
| Skinner:
| This is a meeting. We have to follow the
agenda.
|
| Carl:
| (To Homer) What an idiot.
|
| Skinner:
| Address the chair.
|
| Carl:
| There ain't any chair.
|
| Homer:
| (Trying to help) There's a rock.
|
| Skinner:
| Well, for the sake of organization, call it a
chair.
|
| Carl:
| Why not call it a rock?
|
| Skinner:
| Do you want detention?
|
| Carl:
| Fine. Do whatever you want. (Sits down on the
ground)
|
| Skinner:
| Good. Now, the first item on our agenda is a
report from the fire committee. (Turns to Lenny and Ms. Hoover, who
were amoung the crowd. other people in the crowd include Mrs.
Krabapple, Sideshow Mel, and Krusty)
|
| Lenny:
| Well... We're having a little trouble...
|
| Carl:
| Whadaya mean "trouble"?! It's fire! Ya rub
two sticks together!
|
| Homer:
| So THAT'S how you do it!
|
| Lenny:
| That's not the problem. The problem is
marketing.
|
| Carl:
| Marketing?!
|
| Hoover:
| We have to know what people want from fire.
Do they need it for cooking? Heat?...
|
| Krabapple:
| (Interrupting) Lighting cigarettes!
|
| Captain:
| Why don't we come back to that? How about
this "wheel" thing I've heard so much about?
|
| Skinner:
| Wheel committee? (Turns to Krusty and
Sideshow Mel)
|
| Mel:
| We have the basic design prepared, but we
need some more time to work out some details before it can be
marketed.
|
| Carl:
| More time?! It's a WHEEL for cryin' out loud!
|
| Krusty:
| Okay, you're-so-smart, why don't YOU tell us
what color it should be?
|
| RW:
| (Just arriving) Captain!
|
| Captain:
| Ah, Number Two! Where were you?
|
| RW:
| I vas declaring war on ze next continent.
|
| Carl:
| But nobody even lives there yet!
|
| RW:
| But someday zey vill.
|
| Captain:
| What did you do?
|
| RW:
| Blew up a military inzdalation.
|
| Carl:
| What military!?
|
| RW:
| Vell, it vas actually just a potential
military inzdalation... It vas a tree.
|
| Carl:
| You're all nuts! Totally nuts.
|
| Homer:
| Heehee. Cucoo! Cucoo! (Spins his finger
beside his head and rolls his eyes)
|
| Carl:
| Just remember, you people only got two
million years to live! Just two million! (Storms off up the hill)
|
| Homer:
| (Following Carl) So long, ya crazies.
|
| Captain:
| What nice fellows.
|
| Grampa:
| And that's the story of... What was it the
story of again?
|
| Bart:
| Bart's Guide to the Galaxy, man.
|
| Grampa:
| No it wasn't!
|
| Bart:
| That's what it was supposed to be about.
|
| Grampa:
| Ah, forget it. I'm going to watch Matlock.
|
The End
Disclaimer
"The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy"
is copyright to Douglas Adams. The Simpsons is trademark and copyright
(and all that stuff) to Fox network (or whatever). What I'm saying is, I'm
not trying to infringe on anyone's copyright, or do anything else illegal.
So please don't sue me!
Copyright 2002 by Megan Branning
